Some final questions as we wrap up this year

How fitting to end the year with questions. What’s yours?

Matt starts with a follow-up question about the "how did we handle drinking on CHEERS" post:

Were the actors actually nursing beer?

They were drinking “near-beer”, 3.2 alcohol content, and it was warm. I don’t know George Wendt guzzled all that swill each week.

However, the Heinekens in the writers room were real.

VP81955 asks:

At times I see sitcom episodes directed by cast members, which I presume is one of the "perks" of their contract. What's your experience been like in those situations? Are they looking for diversifying their resume in later years -- in other words, are they genuinely interested in directing as a future endeavor -- and do you assist them when they have to act in a scene?

Some actors are excellent directors. Three that I have worked with are Alan Alda, Kelsey Grammer, and Adam Arkin. There have been other times when actors have directed and the results have been, uh… “less than stellar”. In one case, and I won’t name the actor, anytime he directed it was bizarre. Normally he was the nicest guy in the world, but the minute he stepped onto the stage as the director he became a tyrant, even snapping at his fellow cast members. The next week he was just an actor again and went back to being the sweetest guy on the planet. How the rest of the cast didn't kill I do not know.

On multi-camera shows, when actors direct they pretty much leave all the camera blocking and technical stuff to the camera coordinator. And of course, if you’re blocking a scene without regard to just how you plan to shoot it, you may block it in such a way that is hard or impossible to shoot.  Actors are too close to walls, upstaging each other, in spots where the camera can't find them, etc.  Those camera blocking days can be total nightmares. 

Kelsey was the only one I saw who really studied the cameras and participated in that aspect of the job.

Generally, when an actor directs an episode it’s one in which he’s very light. Some will ask for an objective eye like the first AD and others won’t. Of course actors in long-running series generally know their characters so well that they don’t need much guidance.

Do you know which actor was also a director? Someone I bet you wouldn’t expect. Nick Colasanto, the Coach on CHEERS. He directed tons of episodes of HAWAII 5-0 (the good version), COLUMBO, STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO, and even BONANZA.

I wonder if Ron Howard ever asked the producers of HAPPY DAYS if he could direct an episode and they told him to just stick to acting.

From Cedric Hohnstadt:

I'd love to know your thoughts, Ken: Is it possible to train yourself to be creatively "in the zone" when needed or is inspiration something that always strikes on its own random schedule?

If you write for television, especially on staff, you cannot afford to wait for the muse to come along and inspire you. You must train yourself to write on demand. Morning, night, late night, when you’re tired, have a cold, dealing with family issues, ducking a drug cartel – it makes no difference. You’re expected to be productive. This takes discipline, experience, and fear (I mean, “motivation”).

A large part of the job is being able to perform under pressure. During filming nights on multi-camera shows, when a joke bombs the writers quickly huddle and with the cast and crew waiting and two hundred people in the audience impatiently looking on, you’re expected to come up with that new killer line. You can’t say, “Let me go up to my cabin in Arrowhead for the weekend, pour myself some nice Swiss Miss, light a cozy fire, put on my “Pat Boone Sings Heavy Metal” CD, and work on it. I’ll have the joke for you on Monday.” You need it now.  Just like the drug cartel. 

Phillip B wonders:

Have you ever been approached -- or tempted - to work on an "unscripted" show?

I have an idea for an unscripted series. It’s one of those outdoorsman-type shows, where everyone wears hats and totes around rifles. HUNTING THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS. What do you think?

Happy New Year to everyone. Drive carefully tonight.

The guy who built the MASH set comments for this blog

A few weeks ago I posted photos of a MASH set built in someone's backyard.  The person who did that very graciously left this anonymously in the comments section, but I felt it was worth re-posting because as unbelievable as this might sound, not everybody reads the comments.  Thanks much to this person, whoever he is. 

I sold it over a year ago. It's now in a museum.
These pictures were not posted by me. I did not want this attention. Mainly because I could write the "wayyy to much time on his hands" comment in my sleep. These pictures were first posted on a blog I had never heard of by a friend that was last here 2 years ago.
It was something I wanted to build, and I did. Nothing more,nothing less.
I ask you. Has your hobby, or "obsession" been asked to be in a museum? If not. Maybe you need more time on your hands.
Thanks very much to all of you who made kind thoughtful comments.

My favorite quotes of 2010

Elton John -- "I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems".

"If vibrators could light the barbie and kill spiders in the bathtub, would we need men at all." -- Kathy Lette, novelist, wonders whether marriage has had its day.

"Meryl Streep looks like an unmade bed”. --  Sharon Stone.

Shaquille O'Neal, asked about becoming the fifth NBA player to score 28,000 points: “I got a call from my father and he said, ‘I'm not going to congratulate you, dummy, because if you had hit your free throws, you would have made 33,000.'”

Lil Wayne -- "Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex/ Cuz you don't want that late text, that I think I'm late text"

"I didn't really had a good answer, as so often -- is me." -- Sarah Palin, on writing notes on her hand during her Tea Party convention speech.

LPGA star Christina Kim, referring to Japanese player Sakuta Yokomine before the final round of the U.S. Women's Open: “Phew. I'm glad I don't have to play behind Yokomine today. She's slower than trying to bake a pie with a lighter.”

"We thought we could put it to better use." -- Yigal Palmor, Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesman, on his country's purchase of Twitter account @israel from Israel Melendez, a Spanish owner of a porno website.

"A lot of people say, 'I would rather have a heart attack at the height of sexual passion'. I think I would prefer to be killed by a bookcase." -- Tom Stoppard, on the ideal way to die.

James Franco -- "I spend a fair amount of time alone, especially when I travel . . . So, when I'm alone, I do masturbate a lot."

"I thought it was gum." -- Paris Hilton, denying responsibility for packet of cocaine Las Vegas police found in her bag.

"Life is such a fuckin' rollercoaster then it stops/But what should I scream for, this is my theme park" – Lil Wayne

Chris Snyder, Pittsburgh Pirates catcher, after dropping a throw that led to a one run loss: “That's a play I make 99 times out of 100. Well, I guess now it's 98 times.”


Julia Roberts on why she won’t get Botox -- "Your face tells a story - and it shouldn't be a story about your drive to the doctor's office."

"I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree." -- Sarah Palin, Fox News interview with Sean Hannity.

Tweet from Paris Hilton -- "So scary. Just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knives. Cops are here arresting him."

Al Michaels, NBC Sunday Night Football announcer, on how lucky he is to be living his current life: “I don't want to come back in the next life because I'll be in Mongolia in a sulfur mine working the night shift.”

"To the passenger who called me a motherfucker, fuck you., I've been in this business for years and that's it I've had it." -- Air steward Steven Slater, who grabbed two bottles of beer and slid down the emergency chute after being abused by a passenger.

Lady Gaga -- "I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they're going to take my creativity from me through my vagina."  Yeah, what guy wouldn't want a piece of that?

Ned Colletti, Dodgers general manager, on having seen free-agent Chien-Ming Wang throw only in a parking lot before the right-hander signed with the Nationals: “He had good command, though. He didn't hit any cars or anything.”

"It's a good thing to be old, because that means you haven't died yet, right?" -- Penelope Cruz.  Uh, yes, Penelope. You’re right.

"Refudiate. English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it." -- Sarah Palin, who created the word 'refudiate', compares herself to Bard.

Doc Rivers, Boston Celtics head coach, after Glen “Big Baby” Davis suffered a concussion in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference finals: “I don't know what kind of test they can give him. He's delirious half the time anyway.”

"You have the honesty of Abe Lincoln and the charm of the guy who shot him." -- Dane Cook, comedian, pays tribute to departing American Idol judge Simon Cowell.

Ethan Hawke, who married his nanny after having an affair with her -- "I liken my situation to The Sound of Music, not to Jude Law."

Ringo Starr, on Vatican newspaper editorial praising band on 40th anniversary of breakup -- "I think the Vatican - they've got more to talk about than the Beatles."

"Listen, he's a nice person, but he couldn't sell watermelons if you gave him the state troopers to flag down traffic." -- Former CBS news anchor Dan Rather on Barack Obama.


"We used to hustle on over the border for health care...And I think, isn't that kind of ironic now." -- Sarah Palin, admits her family used to go to Canada for medical treatment when she was a child. Canada has a single-payer system, which Palin opposes.

"I want you to know, Mrs Obama, that I'm your husband's No 1 fan. And not just because he's a black man. He's mixed. And I wouldn't really know what that looks like anyway." -- Stevie Wonder greets Michelle Obama, wife of US president.

My Best & Worst of 2010

Every blogger is pretty much obligated to do this.  So here are my Best & Worst in all the important categories. 

BEST ENGAGEMENT – Tie: Shania Twain, who is marrying the ex-husband of the woman who cheated with her husband. And Hugh Hefner (84) & Crystal Harris (24). So Christie Hefner will be 34 years older than her new mother. Personally, I think Hef is just settling, but that’s just me.

BEST MOVIE – SOCIAL NETWORK (and not just because Aaron Sorkin wrote a piece for this blog). I hear THE KING’S SPEECH is great but haven’t seen it. So I may change my mind.  That happened once before.  2004.  MYSTIC RIVER was my ultimate favorite but originally I had said FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY. 

BEST COMEDY MOVIE –


BEST MOVIE I WILL NEVER SEE – 127 HOURS. I don’t care how good it is, I’m not going to watch a movie where a guy cuts off his own arm. I didn’t like it when it was suggested for an episode of FRASIER, and I don’t like it now.

WORST MOVIE I WILL NEVER SEE – LITTLE FOCKERS. I’d rather cut off my own arm.

BEST MOVIE THAT’S STILL A CONFUSING MESS – INCEPTION.  Wow but huh?

BEST TV DRAMA – THE GOOD WIFE. Sorry MAD MEN but THE GOOD WIFE has evolved into a spectacular show. Each episode is so layered, so engrossing, and yet seems so effortless. Other than Christine Baranski, I care about every single character. What’s so amazing is that this is a show on a broadcast network. Please let there not be a spinoff like THE GOOD WIFE: MIAMI.


BEST SINGLE EPISODE OF TV – Okay, this one I give to MAD MEN. The show where Peggy and Don spend a long night together, written by Matthew Weiner, is worthy of Chayefsky.

BEST TV COMEDY – MODERN FAMILY.  One of the few sitcoms these days that is funny but won't sacrifice character or story for a laugh. 

BEST 3-D MOVIE – LA BETE, starring David Hyde Pierce. The actors seemed so lifelike I actually thought I was in the same room with them. Oh wait, LA BETE is a play. I was in the same room with them. Okay. I can’t see 3-D. So I have no idea.


BEST BEVERLY HILLS HOUSEWIFE – Camille


WORST BEVERLY HILLS HOUSEWIFE – Camille


BEST FINALE – LOST. They wrapped up most everything and brought Elizabeth Mitchell back. 


WORST FINALE – Larry King.  As with LOST, it spent the last year in the afterlife.


BEST ACTRESS IN A MOVIE – Annette Bening. I don’t care what Meryl Streep was in this year.


BEST ACTRESS WHO PLAYS AN IDIOT – Rebecca Hall in THE TOWN.

BEST CANCELED SHOW -- TERRIERS

BEST FIRING – Kara DioGuardi off AMERICAN IDOL.  Why it took two years and not two minutes I'll never know. 


BEST FIRING ALTHOUGH SHE SAYS SHE QUIT BUT WHO WE KIDDING? – Ellen DeGeneres off AMERICAN IDOL


BEST WRITING STAFF THAT WAS FIRED – WALKING DEAD


BEST TALK SHOW SIDEKICK – the robot on Craig Fergeson.


BEST COMEBACK – Betty White.  I've loved her on all seven TV shows she's been on and all twelve movies. 

WORST COMEBACK – David Hasselhoff. He’s won this category eight years running.


BEST CABLE SHOW YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN HEARD OF – JUSTIFIED on FX. Tim Olyphant is a great lead, the characters are all very rich, and ignorant anti-Semite red neck assholes get shot every week.  I hope Mel Gibson guests next season.

BEST NEW BOOK – Mark Twain’s Autobiography. Shania’s ex tells-all!


BEST DOCUMENTARY – WHO IS HARRY NILSSON? If you have to ask that question yourself you should really see it.

BEST AWARD SHOW HOST – Jimmy Fallon, the EMMYS

WORST AWARD SHOW HOST – Chelsea Handler, the VMA’s


BEST AWARDS SHOW – Southern California Sportscasters Association awards lunch. Hey, gimme a break. I was one of the winners.

WORST CROSSOVER PORN STAR – Sasha Grey on ENTOURAGE. It’s tough when you have to use your mouth to talk.

WORST STATUE UNVEILED – Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig at Miller Park, Milwaukee.

BEST STATUE UNVEILED – Tom Selleck in BLUE BLOODS.

BEST NEW VIDEO GAME – Anything created by the other Ken Levine. I keep hoping I get his royalties by mistake.

How to sell a one-hour drama to FX or USA or A&E or whoever.

It's very simple.  I have discovered the basic cable one-hour formula.  Follow these steps and you premiere right after BURN NOTICE. 

Start with a handsome likable actor. Heavy on charm, athletic, has a dimple, and can deliver a joke without needing a stunt double. For background, he was in some branch of law enforcement. Cop, U.S. Marshall, CIA, secret service, security guard at Warner Brothers.

And we learn he’s a real rogue. Does things his own way. Often gets in trouble with his superiors. He’s just incorrigible. But he’s the best cop/Marshall/CIA agent/gate guard at Warners that has ever been. Lightening fast draw, sharp shooter, explosives expert, Mensa candidate. He’s absolutely fearless but super cool. He drinks beer. He sleeps with any woman he’s assigned to protect.

As the pilot begins his rogue-ness gets him in trouble. He’s fired or reassigned. If fired, he’s trying to get his job back. If reassigned, he’s sent to the most fish-out-of-water locale you can find. Let's say he's from Chicago. Ship him off to the Everglades.

If possible, set the show in some sun drenched city. Miami, San Diego. Great excuse to show hot girls in bikinis, bright beauty shots, and easier to duplicate when you shoot in San Pedro, California.

Also, try to set him in a town where he has ties. Give him a hot ex-wife or ex-girlfriend that he still sort of loves and still sort of loves him. They broke up because of his rogue-ness or some fault that he has that every woman in America would ignore in two seconds to snare a prize like this.

He has a dark past that he needs to work through… when it’s convenient. Former lover died.  Former partner died.  Steve McQueen died.

 
For good measure, throw in an eccentric parent (preferably one who was hot and starred in a show his or herself in the 80s).

He also has to have a partner who’s either crazier than he is, or the total opposite. Someone has to say, “You’re going to get us KILLED!” at least once an episode.

It’s very important that your hero have a moral code. He only kills bad guys. He has a soft spot for innocent downtrodden saps who are in trouble. Yes, he’s tough but he’s empathetic, and don’t you dare make a big deal of thanking him. He’s adorably shy.

In addition to solving crimes, and dodging ten thousand stray bullets an episode, there’s always a larger story arc. Some secret to uncover, or an elusive nemesis he needs to catch… when it’s convenient.

Throw in some action sequences, chase scenes, explosions (at least for the pilot), and there has to be a helicopter in at least one scene (I have no idea why but you do). Then mix in some "character" scenes so we see the hero is sensitive as well as strong. 

Give the show a snappy title that’s no more than two words. JUSTIFIED, TERRIERS, THE GLADES, BURN NOTICE. And you’re good to go.

Best of luck. Give me shared creator credit when you sell your show. And you better hurry. Other writers have figured out this formula too. And John Corbett is not going to be out there forever.

The winter wonderland of Hawaii

We like to think of it as our second home. Our two-bedroom condo in the E-Coli Village in Wailea, Maui. Okay, we don’t own it, and if we show up any other time than the three weeks we book it we’ll be shot on sight, but still, it’s ours alone.  The above picture is one I took from our balcony. 

Hawaii is my sanctuary, my oasis. The beauty and serenity are unmatched, and as dismal as the state of the world is, somehow it’s not nearly as bleak when reported by newscasters in Aloha shirts. Once again the Levine family ventured to the land where the volcanoes meet the cabanas.

There’s no better way to relax on Maui the first night than by learning you might have Hepatitis A. I came across a story online warning anybody who ordered a sandwich at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood on specific days that they were in danger of contracting this acute infectious disease. Apparently, the nimrod who made the sandwiches was infected and possibly passed it along. (As if the chopped liver sandwiches alone couldn’t kill ya.) My wife was one of the unlucky sandwich orderers. Customers were urged to get a Hepatitis A vaccine or a Gamma Globulin shot in the next two days. Good luck on Maui.

Remember the nurse’s office in your elementary school? She had some band-aids and a bottle of baby aspirin. Well that’s the equivalent of a full-service Maui hospital. Debby called around for Gamma Globulin or a vaccine. She might as well have been asking for Plutonium. The clinics were all in shopping malls. One doctor’s office address was an apartment number.

We finally found a place next to a nail salon. Debby got the shot. It cost $350, and Jerry’s is refusing to reimburse because they “didn’t know the employee had Hepatitis at the time so they’re not liable”. Oh really??? I don’t think it will require Erin Brockovich to win that case in court.

The latest Twitter trend is to Tweet where you are every five seconds. So for those who don’t follow me on Twitter, here are some entries:

@Maui airport – waiting for shuttle van to Alamo Rental Cars. 1:40 PM

@Maui airport – still waiting for shuttle van. 2:40 PM

@Alamo – waiting in long line to get my car. 3:30 PM

@Alamo – Finally get the keys. 4:05 PM

@ Alamo – In car. Chasing Alamo employees around the lot, trying to run them down. Sure, NOW they move fast. 4:10 PM

Forget the Alamo. They’re the Goldman Sachs of rental car companies.


How to get a better table at Mama’s Fish House: Have the hostess spill a glass of water on your wife. Better table, free t-shirt, and round of drinks! Too bad it wasn’t wine. Those appetizers looked really yummy!

There’s a “backpack bandit” who has robbed four local banks at gunpoint. Four? Where the fuck is HAWAII 5-0? What are you idiots doing? Stop trading barbs and joy riding in your product-placement Chevy and protect us for godsakes! Jack Lord is spinning in either his grave or the wax museum; I forget where he is now.

Obama isn’t even popular in Hawaii anymore.

There’s more Reggae music being played in Hawaii than Hawaiian music. To save face they call it “Jawaiian”. And the closer we got to the holidays the more we heard “Chriswaiian” music.

Two sure signs that the world is coming to an end: The Roy’s in Kihei is being replaced by a Ruby Tuesday’s. And a tour bus was spotted at the Kahului Walmart.

At one point we had my son Matt, his fiancée Kim, and my daughter Annie joining us at the same time. Five people, all trying to recharge their Kindles, eReaders, iPads, iPods, iPhones, laptops, and cameras at once – there were not enough outlets. My wife and I had to move out to the Grand Wailea.

Now that Hilton owns the Grand Wailea, they’re cutting corners and foolishly assuming guests don’t notice. They recently eliminated all mini-bars and fired the twenty long-time employees who serviced them. I guess the twelve dollars profit on every Toblerone bar just wasn’t enough for them.


We were given a gorgeous room overlooking the parking lot, a trash dumpster, and the back end of another hotel… excuse me, I mean, a “mountain view”. You say, “How did we get so lucky?” We’re Hilton Honors members.

Our room safe didn’t work so we called Security. They said they’d send someone up in five minutes. It took twenty. Now, it’s one thing if Room Service is a little tardy but Security? And it’s not like we can call the Hawaii 5-0 guys. They’re still investigating Pearl Harbor (although I understand they almost have a suspect).

Grand Wailea security officers must all be former Alamo customer representatives.

Actual Hawaiian headline: Kids Smoke Nutmeg For Cheap High. Hey, gasoline costs $3.95 a gallon. Pretty soon stoners won’t even be able to afford spices.

Black Friday sale at the shops at the Kapalua!! Mark Ups slashed to only 60%!!!

Here’s the kind of shit you do in Hawaii: watch giant sea turtles bob in the water on the beach. For twenty minutes. Hey, don’t laugh. It was still far more entertaining than the NBC Fall line-up.

Some nights we had meteor showers. I wonder how many tourists waited around for rainbows.

Went to Mama’s Fish House again. Told Debby that if they gave us a bad table she had to “take one for the team”. The problem was finding a nice evening dress that’s also water-resistant.

Nothing deters my love for Hawaii, even the two minor earthquakes we experienced. But that was just the islands’ way of saying, “Don’t be homesick”.

When there’s a big earthquake (and it’s highly unlikely – there’s only one active volcano in the area), you do have eight full minutes to get to higher ground before the tsunami hits. On the other hand, Hawaii papayas are really sweet!

The Honolulu Marathon was held again. 25,000 runners all yelling, “On your left!” I did not participate this year because a) I wasn’t in Honolulu, b) I’m not from Kenya, and c) unlike the other Hollywood types on the isles, I don’t have a housekeeper or nanny to run for me.

Most of the wet weather we got came during our last few days. I thought it was the influx of tourists that angered Hina Kuluua, the Hawaiian Mistress of Rain. Nope. She just found out that Rain is not going to leave his wife for her.

Cell phone service was also out for a day. I guess, Wendy Williams, the Goddess of Incessant Talking, was also out of sorts.

Flew home on the redeye. Usually I never fly First Class unless a network or studio is paying for it. So I haven’t flown First Class in years. But Debby and I decided to use miles and upgrade, hoping to maybe get some sleep. So we boarded first and sat patiently as the Coach passengers filed past us to their seats. Now this I’ve never experienced before – random people just taking shots at us. “Oooh, it’s the First Class people.” “Look who the lucky ones are.” “Got enough room in those seats?” What the hell?! Since when did travelers turn hostile towards First Class passengers? And this was in Maui after a vacation. What happens in Detroit? Does the guy from 42A just enter the plane and arbitrarily slug the man in 3B?

By the way, the seats weren’t that big, there were no footrests, the meal was a cold cup of corn chowder with six grapes, and we didn’t sleep. Is it really worth staging another Russian Revolution over American Airlines’ supposed premiere service?

So now we’re home, just in time for the holidays and monsoons. Verbal abuse and earthquakes aside, we had a fabulous time. Oh sure, my wife’s skin is a little red, but hey, at least it’s not yellow.


Hau'oli Makahiki Hou -- which either means Happy New Year or pass the nutmeg.

Great name for a SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit model

Leafing through my 2011 SI Swimsuit Calendar (you know me, I want to see what day Thanksgiving falls on this year), I came across this model.

How's this for a name?  Cintia Dicker

Noted without further comment.  From me at least.  

L.A. is so much better without people!

The best week of the year in Los Angeles is always this one, the final seven days of the year. More property taxes and obligations are on tap for me in January, but here in the waning days of December I can bask in the glory of the city that Zorro once called home.

First of all, the town is practically empty. Most people from the industry are gone, terrorizing the help in Hawaii and Aspen. There’s very little traffic. You can actually make the fifteen minute drive between Brentwood and LAX on the 405 Freeway in only forty minutes. It’s like you’re flying! Hard to get into restaurants? Not this week. Spago will even make reservations for people they don’t know. And at 7:00 not 10:30. (Unfortunately, their chefs are probably in Aspen and Hawaii.)

Los Angeles is so deserted I heard of a friend who found a parking place at the Grove shopping mall. But that’s still just a rumor.

For industry guild folks there are free movies. In the hopes of snaring nominations from any organization that gives out awards (even the WGA), studios let eligible voters and guests attend contending movies gratis. It’s also their way of giving back to the community. However, the nanosecond the nominations are announced this lovely gesture ends instantly. And they go back to the business at hand – busting the unions.

Most of the city’s attention this week is on the upcoming Rose Parade and Bowl. If you have six friends over to your apartment to play poker, the Rose Queen and her court will come and speak to your group.

The Rose Bowl is the "Granddaddy of Bowl Games" and this week.  It's the 97th edition and second being sponsored.  So this year we must refer to it as the "Rose Bowl Game Presented by VIZIO". How fucked is that? This year's teams are the Wisconsin Badgers and TCU Horned Frogs thus reprising one of the longest and greatest rivalries in sports.

Highlight of the Rose Bowl festivities is the Lawry’s Beef Bowl. Lawry’s is the greatest prime rib restaurant in the world (a more popular attraction to Japanese tourists than Disneyland). Every year they invite each team and feed them as much prime rib as they can eat. Usually the winning team tops out at around 630 pounds of beef. During the Rose Bowl, you’ll notice half the players sleeping the bench. That’s why.

The New Year's Eve tradition is to watch Dick Clark and experience the year change in tape delay. Unless you have satellite. Then you can watch the East Coast feed in which case you're in 2011 for three hours while the rest of us are still in 2010. Not sure if Dick will be there this year. On the one hand I hope so. But on the other, it's really starting to get creepy.

The Rose Parade is Sunday morning. Today some idiots will start staking out spots along the parade route. Every local channel will broadcast the parade. KTLA gets a 50 share, everyone else gets a 2. Why these other stations still bother is beyond me. KTLA coverage begins at like 3:00 a.m. Five hours of watching people paste flowers on floats and the idiots from today freezing. KTLA will begin replaying the parade immediately upon its conclusion. Then they replay it again. And again. Sometime around January 15th they return to regular programming.


Bob Eubanks has been hosting the parade since the floats were powered by horses. For many of those years his co-host was Stephanie Edwards, a popular local personality who was mostly known for being the carnie for Lucky Markets. She was replaced in the booth a couple of years ago by local KTLA morning news anchor, Michaela Pereira. This caused quite a stir. Most people felt that Michaela was horrible and resented her in that Deborah Norville/TODAY SHOW way for squeezing out our beloved Stephanie. (Fans would show their support for Steph by shopping at Lucky but Lucky no longer exists.) Now Stephanie is back. Although she will have to go by "Stephanie Edwards Presented by VIZIO".

Then on New Year’s evening all the locals will go out to dinner, have to wait 45 minutes for a table since the Wisconsin rooters got there first, and things will return to normal.

So for my fellow Angelinos – enjoy it while you can!

A Xmas show by Matt Weiner & me

Here's a BECKER Christmas episode, written by Matthew Weiner and directed by me.  I wonder -- whatever happened to Matt?  For that matter, whatever happened to me?

Merry Christmas

My favorite Christmas video

Merry Christmas everybody!  And by everybody, I also mean the Jews.  Here's the fabulous Darlene Love.

Christmastimes Day 2010 Cake

Christmastimes Day 2010 cake

Winter Pitha Design

Winter in Bangladeshi Pithar Mella

Winter in Bangladesh and it's time for an amazing array of delectable pithas. The winner hands' down is the hot delicate bhapa pitha, the art of making which has been come down the generations, thanks to many creative mothers.

Presently, the art of winter pitha-making so long popular in the rural settings is quite popular in the urban areas as well. The steaming-pitha can be found in various spots is made from rice dust, molasses and a sprinkle of coconut. Among the pitha-makers who make a living from selling these delicacies is Rowshan Ara Begum. Rowshan recently talked to the correspondent about her trade.

"You cannot imagine a winter without pithas......Young, old, everyone likes it.

list of witer pitha: Bapa, golap,kuli,design,bonanza etc pitha

Was Sid Caesar supposed to play the Coach on CHEERS?

Christmas Eve. The night where the family gathers together around the computer and reads Friday questions. The holiday tradition continues.

Brian Phillips is first:

Did Sid Caesar turn down "Cheers"?

No, but CHEERS did turn down Sid Caesar. I wasn’t at the meeting, but this is what I was told. Sid had a sit-down with the Charles Brothers to discuss possibly playing the Coach. Caesar spent the time ripping the script. Needless to say, that was his last meeting.

Around the same time, I had had a similar experience with Sid. I was hosting a radio talk show and he was a guest. He was surly to me and the callers. So the callers stopped calling. What a long grueling hour that was. And so disappointing because Sid Caesar was such an idol of mine.

In fairness, it came out later that Sid had a drinking problem during that period, which explains his less than stellar behavior. I think if he met the Charles Brothers or did my radio show today it would be a whole different experience.

He remains one of my idols.

Gary asks:

Ok, Ken, I just saw a Becker episode that you directed - Toast - I think it was called. I'm sure you've been asked about the orange many times, but not by me and not recently. For those who don't know...Liz goes to Becker's apt. and he offers her "something." He opens the fridge and we can see (from left to right) one orange and 3 beers. The camera goes back to Liz, then back to the fridge. The orange is gone. Becker removes 2 beers and as he turns, it appears that the orange is on the far right hand side of the fridge. Is that a prank you play w/the audience, a little self-entertainment?

Wow, you are a perceptive viewer. No, what you saw is just a matching problem from take to take. Those happen. This sometimes becomes a big question in editing. Do you use the take that has the best performance or the take where there’s not a mis-match? Most of the time, unless the mis-match is really obvious and jarring, we’ll opt for the performance take.

In the show David and I wrote the first year of FRASIER where Lilith returns, the final scene is in a hotel room. Room service breakfast is delivered. As Frasier and Lilith eat they play out the scene. In some shots the cover is over the eggs, in others it’s not. Watch it. You’ll see. But I bet you’ve seen the scene before, maybe numerous times, and you never noticed that before.

We always try as best we can to have things match, and there is a script supervisor on the set who is supposed to catch everything but they’re only human. Re the BECKER, my guess is she couldn’t see inside the refrigerator from her angle.

The script supervisor is also supposed to keep track that the dialogue is spoken exactly as written and that the actors are all on their correct marks. I don’t know how they do it. They’re amazing.

From Carson:

When a sitcom does a two-parter or an hour long episode, do you shoot all in one night. Or do you split it up over two weeks? And are these usually the result of a network request?

Depends on the show and how ambitious the two-parter is. On CHEERS and FRASIER we generally shot both parts in one night. On ALMOST PERFECT we shot a two-parter in two weeks with a week’s hiatus in the middle (so we could write part two).

Studios and networks greatly prefer you do them over one week. It saves a lot of money – two-for-one crew expenses.

TAXI did a two-parter over no weeks. How did they do this? It was a wrap around episode. The cab company supposedly went under so everyone had to get another job. Each actor had an individual scene showing his new job. After each filming they shot one of these scenes. Then they shot the scene where they all came together to share their stories. Pretty clever, huh?

On CHEERS we did something similar when Shelley Long was pregnant. We took advantage of that period before she was showing to shoot scenes of her and Frasier in Europe. Those were shot after episodes and inserted into shows later in the season when Shelley could no longer hide her “motherly way”.

What’s your question?


Okay, you can open your presents now.

Enjoy White Christmas Video

Enjoy White Christmas video. My Favorite Christmas Movie Ever.
I always look forward to seeing it Every Year.

The digital Nativity scene

How did we handle drinking on CHEERS?

Home from Hawaii.  I see the mail and The Friday questions have started to pile up in my absence so I thought I’d sneak in an extra day of answers. Please leave your queries in the comments section. Thanks.

Lairbo is up first.

On CHEERS, I can recall few, if any, scenes of someone actually being drunk at the bar. Were there rules or guidelines about this? If so, were they from the network or the creators?

I think everyone (the Charles Brothers, Jim Burrows, NBC, Paramount) were in agreement that the drinking had to be handled responsibly. No one ever drove home drunk. There were a few cases where cabs were called for homeward bound patrons.

The conceit with Norm was that he could hold his liquor. So we never played him drunk or with impaired judgment.

I want to say we never got laughs out of drunks at the bar but there was Al. A case can be made that he was just punch drunk, not alcohol drunk, but he sure acted like a tosspot.

Sam of course, was a former alcoholic and the message was delivered many times that you don’t solve your problems by drinking. And that goes for egg nog, by the way. The benefit people got from going to the CHEERS bar was the camaraderie and support they gained from each other. Remember, the theme is “where everyone knows your name” not “where fifty dollars will get you shit-faced”.

From RockGolf:

Which IQ is easier to write for: smart or dumb? And which do networks prefer?

Both have their plusses. It’s “easier” I suppose to write dumb characters, but smart characters allow you to write with sophistication, and I personally prefer that. Anyone can write morons; it takes a certain skill to service witty, truly intelligent characters.

But I can’t stress this enough: play every character to the top of their intelligence, regardless of their IQ. I’ve said this before, but the best dimwits are the ones who are dumb for a legitimate reason. Coach was hit in the head by too many fastballs. Woody was a naïve country boy. There’s a logic to everything they said. It’s just not the correct logic.

Networks prefer any show that gets ratings. If it’s FRASIER, fine. If it’s HEE HAW, also fine.

Kevin asks:

Ken, You've talked about not liking it when the director of Volunteers broke the fourth wall. What do you think about the practice of putting an "inside" joke into a sitcom? For instance, How I Met Your Mother has done it at least twice: Barney recreating the end of Doogie Howser in one show and recently when Jorge Garcia shouted out the "Lost" numbers in an episode. Even Frasier did it once when Laurie Metcalf as Nanny G asked Fraiser how he'd feel playing the same role for 20 years. For the joke to work, the audience has to know the reference, which can be a big risk.

Inside jokes are tricky. They can be great little rewards for fans who are really paying attention. Or your close friends, or eighth grade teacher that you want to rip.  But you have to be careful that the audience doesn't feel excluded because there are too many references they don’t get.

Personally, I like inside jokes. Always have. I loved in HIS GIRL FRIDAY that Cary Grant makes mention of an Archie Leach (which was his real name). And he describes Roz Russell’s fiancée as looking like the actor Ralph Bellamy (Ralph Bellamy actually played the part of the fiancée).

I’ve slipped in my fair share of inside jokes. But the trick is to hide them so they go right by the general audience. It’s comedy camouflage. But never do an inside joke at the expense of a bigger joke that everyone would get. You’re doing a show for millions of people, not just your eight friends (unless you’re on NBC at 10:30).

And finally, from Debby G:

You're taking an improv class? Just for fun or to help your writing or because you see a job at The Groundlings in your future? Once you became an established writer, did you still take classes, read how-to books, etc.? Or did you feel you'd advanced beyond those things?

I’m taking it mostly for fun but also to keep sharpening my skills, in the same way that professional golfers still take lessons. I have no aspirations of performing in an improv group or becoming an actor, but learning how to create characters and even more importantly, commit to them helps me as a writer.

Plus, it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

I’m in a class taught by Andy Goldberg. Most class members are improv veterans so it’s primarily a group of enormously talented people (and me) essentially having a jam session.

Did I mention it’s great great fun?

The question no one asked and everybody should be asking is:  Ken, what present would you like this year?  

Confessions of a night person

The U.S. Army once had a recruiting slogan that proclaimed, “We do more by 9:00 in the morning than most people do all day!” Excuse me, but… that’s an incentive? By 9:00 in the morning I’m hopefully still sleeping.

I must admit I’m a night person. Always have been. Practically every job I’ve ever had since high school was a night job. Of course, now that I think about it, I bet I would have sold more Amway products door to door if I didn’t start out every night at midnight.

I know a lot of writers who are morning people. They get up at dawn, go right to work, and get as much done as the Army without cleaning toilets. Notice in that Army slogan they never specify exactly what they do? The truth is, a lot of potatoes get peeled, floors get buffed, and trenches get dug before 9.

But I prefer working late at night. It’s quiet for one thing, and when I write during the day I’m always wondering – what’s going on out there that I’m missing? I never feel that way when the option is watching Carson Daly.

Morning writers contend that they can enjoy the day more knowing they’ve already done their allotted work. That makes great sense to me. Until the alarm clock sounds. Then I’m thinking, “What the fuck?! I don’t get up this early to go to the goddamn Rose Parade. I’m going to drag myself out of bed to write three scenes for this spec screenplay that no one is going to buy?”

About ten years ago, when I was hosting Dodger Talk on XTRA 1150, I filled in on the morning show for about a month. The program director then offered me the position full-time. I graciously declined. He asked why? I’d be done at 9:00 and then have the whole rest of the day to write and direct. I said, “Yes, but see, here’s the thing: by 9:00 I’M FUCKING DEAD!!!” I don’t know how morning men do it. Like I said, this was ten years ago and I’m just now catching up on the sleep I lost.

There’s also a practical reason why I like to write during the wee hours. Lots of writers feel they have to finish a scene before they can put it down for the day. So they’ll sit for as long as it takes to wrestle that bad boy to the ground.

I’m the opposite. If I’m stuck on a tough story point or a long character speech I just stop – in the middle of a sentence even. I find that it’s much easier to solve story problems when I’m relaxed. So I’ll go to sleep and let my subconscious work on it awhile. Invariably, in the morning, after just mulling it over in bed or taking a shower, the solution will present itself. Then I’ll return to the script to finish the scene.

So maybe I don’t get that much done before 9:00 but from 9:15-9:25 I kick ass!

And it's great here in Hawaii.  Because of the time zone, I can work late at night and still be getting lots done by 9:00 AM at home.

How about you? Are you a morning or night person, and why?

My Christmas movies recommendations

A CHRISTMAS STORY is my all-time favorite holiday movie. I’ve seen it probably fifty times, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched it from the beginning to end in one sitting. Like most people, I catch the annual 24-hour marathon on TNT or TBS or one of those networks with a “T” and see various segments at a time. Usually, by the end of 24-hours I’ve pretty much seen the whole film, albeit disjointed.

But there are other Christmas movies I recommend as well.

DIE HARD certainly. A company Christmas party goes bad but like Santa saving the day, Bruce Willis sweeps in and kills a lot of people.

LOVE ACTUALLY – Eight different stories interweave in this delightful romantic comedy. You’re bound to be charmed by at least three.  And you get Keira Knightley before her eating disorder.

BACHELOR MOTHER – Okay, this is an obscure one. 1939 starring Ginger Rogers and David Nivens. A screwball comedy set in a department store filled with misdirection and confusion. Warning: Ginger doesn’t dance.

BAD SANTA – Very dark comedy starring Billy Bob Thornton as a Santa who robs stores. People either really like it or they loathe it.  Sort of like with IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS – All you need to know about this 1964 sugar plum is that 8-year-old Pia Zadora plays a Martian child.

ELF – worth it for Bob Newhart alone.

HOME ALONE – A John Hughes classic. The Macaulay Culkin “AAAAAAA!” movie that is still funny year after year.

STALAG 17 – Most people don’t think of this Billy Wilder classic set in a World War II German Prisoner of War camp as a holiday yarn, but it was set during a Christmas season. And it is a phenomenal movie.

SUSAN SLEPT HERE – This 1954 comedy starring Dick Powell and a very young Debbie Reynolds is one of my favorites because it takes place in my neighborhood and I think you can see my house from Dick Powell’s balcony. I don’t know if the movie’s any good. I’m always just looking out the windows.

There you go. I know it’s a short list, but if I see one more Scrooge reboot or fantasy with Jim Carrey in make-up I think I’ll vomit. Oh, and one final warning: There are a lot of bad Christmas movies and a lot of bad comedy movies but MIXED NUTS might be the very worst of both. It’s the “Aunt Edna’s Fruitcake” of holiday films.


What are your favorites... and least favorites?  

The Sing Off

The Johnny Mann singers were the first a cappella group I really fell in love with. Their KHJ radio jingles from 1965 were fabulous. And then I learned there were groups who sang a cappella songs that were actually longer than three seconds. Then I was really hooked.

When I heard that NBC was airing a show called THE SING OFF I was very excited. I was also surprised to learn this was the second season. Guess all their promos last year were on the LENO SHOW.

When I finally did learn of the show I thought, this will have limited appeal. A cappella singers are probably trending below Hootenanny groups and Polka bands on the list of hot musical acts. And yet THE SING OFF is a hit.

Why? Two main reasons in my opinion.

First - the shows are entertaining. All of the groups are terrific and the hour (or two) is filled with performances, not a barrage of QUEEN FOR A DAY feature pieces on the contestants’ miserable lives, not seeing their high schools and trailer parks, and not subjecting us to endless scenes of emo-crying (like some shows I won’t mention – AMERICAN IDOL). There are no Sanjayas. There are no members of Sarah Palin’s shameless family. We are just treated to talented musicians showing off a unique skill.

Reason number two: Ben Folds. What a revelation this guy is. I knew of him as a successful artist but had no idea how charming, funny, and knowledgeable this Rick Moranis clone is. As opposed to a buffoon like Randy Jackson, who has a smaller vocabulary than the Talking Dora Surprise doll, Ben Fold really knows his music and can articulate his insightful points. Regardless of who ultimately wins the competition, he’s emerging as the star.

As for the rest of the judges, Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men offers intelligent comments while presenting a likeable quality, and Nicole Scherzinger – how can I best describe her ability as a judge? She has great hair.

But the big surprise is Nick Lachey.  As the host, he's, well... he's, uh...good.  I’m used to seeing him in that appalling reality show where he was married to Jessica Simpson and had to explain to her that “Chicken of the Sea” tuna did not contain chickens.  But Nick can read a teleprompter.  Well played, sir.

Four groups remain heading into tonight’s finale. And America gets to vote. So Jerry Lawson and the Talk of the Town, veteran middle-aged doo wop singers, have no shot. But any of the other three groups would be worthy winners. I’m sure the final determination will be which group has the cutest guys and the hottest girls?


I don’t know what they’re going to sing on the finale, but if I may make a suggestion, I’d love to hear how they all handle the KHJ jingle package.

Finally! Something important to vote for!

My two favorite internet radio stations are both up for “station of the year” from a prestigious site. I invite you to listen to and vote for them both.

GREAT BIG RADIO features constant kick-ass rock & roll, production that’s better than any terrestrial or satellite station, and has a sense of humor. It’s what the Jack format wishes it could be.

RICHBRORADIO.COM is flat out the best oldies station on the planet. Mostly 60s but choice 50s and 70s tunes too. And a very deep playlist. You’ll hear stuff you haven’t heard in years. Also, Rich has some great music features, and vintage jingles.

To vote, just go here.

Thanks.

How could EVERYBODY get this wrong?

My friend RR pointed this out to me and he’s absolutely right. For all the Hot Stove League scuttlebutt, all the “insiders” who have access to confidential information, and all the baseball experts who can predict the future, nobody had Cliff Lee going back to the Phillies. No one had Carl Crawford going to the Red Sox. One prominent reporter announced that the Adrian Gonzalez/Red Sox deal was dead, just hours before the deal was done.

As someone who is also in the media, covering the Los Angeles Dodgers (although not from Hawaii, I’m not insane) I have to say this is really embarrassing. We work very hard to establish relationships with General Managers, owners, players, agents, scouts, and groupies. It’s disheartening to learn we know no more than the 50-year-old virgins who still live in their mothers’ basements and churn out critical Orioles blogs.

I mean, somebody should have had the Cliff Lee rumor.  Where are our reporting skills?  Is Cliff now following the Phillie Phanatic on Twitter? Did he give his Metro card to the neighbor kid? Did he immediately try to re-sell the autographed copy of George Bush’s new book that he received last week in the mail? There had to be signs. Did he make smores up in the hills with Roy Oswalt? I dunno, anything!

Clearly, we are not doing the best job. Even though there are 24-hour Cable networks, and satellite radio channels, and year-round publications, endless sportstalk stations, and major sports behemoths like ESPN and Fox with unlimited resources, major stories are still flying right under the radar.

So I say it’s time for a change. I say we get Perez Hilton to cover baseball. I say we put Joel McHale on the case. And whoever is responsible for Page Six. Ryan Seacrest would not let the Cliff Lee story get away. Neither would Cindy Adams. Take Giuliana Rancic off of Kim Kardashian watch and put her on Adrian Beltre.

I say it’s time we got it right! Even if it takes Melissa Rivers, the baseball media can not be scooped again!   There's still two whole months before pitchers and catchers report.