NO SPOILER ALERT NECESSARY
I have a rather tumultuous relationship with Aaron Sorkin. I loved WEST WING. But I had some issues with STUDIO 60, which I detailed in a blog post. I also wrote a parody of his writing that I am re-posting below (since I assume most of you discovered the blog long after October, 2006).
The LA TIMES did an article about what writers thought of STUDIO 60 and inaccurately claimed my blog was the rally point for those who hated the show. It was not. Sorkin responded to TV critics by lashing out at the writers from the article basically saying we weren’t “real” comedy writers, just disgruntled unemployed hacks. The critics thought my credits were enough to qualify me as a “real” comedy writer and wrote articles to that effect. I was then asked for my reaction, which I posted here. Aaron sent me a lovely note and we’ve been fine ever since.
But the point is, just because I have tremendous respect for him doesn’t mean I love everything he writes. So when I say I LOVED the writing on SOCIAL NETWORK, it’s not just lip service because I’m a fan.
SOCIAL NETWORK was absolutely brilliant! And the star was the screenplay. Sorkin somehow managed to take a complicated completely non-visual subject, mix it with dense legal issues, present characters who are all basically unlikable, and somehow create a spellbinding movie. The screenplay is adapted from Ben Mezrich’s novel THE ACCIDENTAL BILLIONAIRES. Good luck to the guy who has to follow this and write the formation of Twitter movie.
When I heard that David Fincher was directing I thought, “How is he going to find enough blood and gore in Facebook?” Happy to say there was none. Just pitch perfect performances and even though there was never anything to really look at you couldn’t take your eyes off the screen.
Everyone in the cast was great. Jesse Eisenberg is what Michael Cera aspires to be. Justin Timberlake continues to be the most talented STAR SEARCH winner ever, And Rashida Jones is just great to look at.
SOCIAL NETWORK opened last weekend to good reviews, big numbers in LA and NY and nothing in the rest of the country. Since most of my readers are in “the rest of the country” I invite you to skip the long lines for PARANORMAL 2 and check this one out instead.
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Here’s the parody. I figured I had to post something humorous today.
IF AARON SORKIN WROTE A SHOW ABOUT BASEBALL
EXT. KAUFFMAN STADIUM -- NIGHT
THE MANAGER, LEO, TROTS OUT TO THE MOUND TO TALK TO BELEAGURED PITCHER, DANNY (THERE’S ALWAYS A DANNY). THE BASES ARE LOADED. THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS. IT’S GAME SEVEN OF THE WORLD SERIES.
LEO
You can’t get a good lobster in this town.
DANNYLast I checked we were in Kansas City.
LEO
4.6 billion pork ribs sold every year and 18.9 tons of beef consumed annually since 1997 –
DANNY
They like their beef, what can I tell ya?
LEO
But you’d think just for variety’s sake.
DANNY
I can still throw my curve.
LEO
For strikes?
DANNY
I’m not throwing enough?
LEO
I’ve seen more lobsters.
DANNY WALKS TO THE ROSIN SACK, GIVES IT A SQUEEZE, DECIDES TO KEEP WALKING. HE AND LEO NOW WALK OUT INTO CENTER FIELD.
DANNYIt’s just that…
LEO
What? Kathy?
DANNY
No. Cabs. There’s no cohesiveness on this team. After road games, 25 cabs for 25 players. There used to be a thing called “the greater good”, forgoing your needs for the betterment of the team and community who looks to us for their identity and self worth. When I’m trying to save a game I’m really trying to save a factory. If baseball is a metaphor for life, then responsibility is its first cousin simile. And Kathy.
LEO
That’s a “1” on your back and not a “2”.
DANNY
I can’t help it. She knocks my sanitary socks off.
THEY CROSS THE CENTER FIELDER, HECTOR.
HECTOR
(in thick accent) Hey, Skip. You know where we could get a lobster around here?
LEO
Order a steak with butter sauce.
THEY REACH THE WALL AND BEGIN WALKING AROUND THE WARNING TRACK.
DANNY
I only became a pitcher because of her.
LEO
Does she know that?
DANNY
She knows that a human arm is not supposed to throw a baseball 100 miles per hour. And she knows that Jesus Christ could strike out Babe Ruth every at bat for ten years without so much as a rotator tear. But to answer your question – what was your question again?
LEO
Can you still throw your curve ball for strikes?
DANNY
No. The other one.
LEO
Does Kathy know you became a pitcher for her?
THEY REACH THE RIGHT FIELDER, AN AFRO-AMERICAN NAMED CHET.
CHET
Look up in the stands, guys. Not four black faces. Would Jackie Robinson even want to break into this game now? If this sport speaks to minorities now it speaks in Spanish. Afro-Americans make up less than 5% of the major leagues. Compare that to basketball, football, or even golf. Satchel Paige said, “don’t look back, something might be gaining on ya.” I just did. It’s now hockey.
LEO
Play a little closer to the line.
THEY CONTINUE WALKING AROUND THE WARNING TRACK.
DANNY
I think she knows.
LEO
But do you really know if she knows?
DANNY
No.
LEO
Then you know what you’ve got to do.
DANNY
Yeah.
LEO
Throw strikes.
DANNY
Right. Thanks.
LEO
And when you get home –
DANNY
Yeah?
LEO
Tell her.
DANNY
I’ll take her out for a lobster.
LEO
What do you mean, 25 cabs for 25 players?
AS THEY START AROUND THE WARNING TRACK FOR ANOTHER LAP, WE:
FADE OUT.
